The Premier League is getting boring. There. I said it. You want to know why it’s getting boring? I’ll tell you why. At the weekend Chelsea breezed past an Arsenal side who play like they’re late for work in a romp that would outdo their adventures with Wayne Bridge’s missus and the title looked to be sewn up. Another round of games comes along and Man United are losing to Villa, before an own goal hands United a point they would never otherwise have got. That’s the tenth own goal they’ve had in their favour this season. Meanwhile, Chelsea are playing Everton and are leading, as you’d expect, when Louis Saha grabs a double to give Everton the points. Who did Saha used to play for? That’s right; Man United. How very suspicious. Clearly the rest of the league don’t want Chelsea to win the title, it’s a conspiracy and frankly it’s boring.

I’m starting to doubt that Saha ever really left Man United. What if rather than selling players, clubs are just lending them to other teams for a bit? Of course that breaks all the rules, if that were the case clubs would have secret agents all over the place. However, I wouldn’t be surprised as some managers will stop at nothing to prevent Super Super Chelsea Chelsea from winning the league again. Watch the Blues win it anyway, everyone else can cheat as much as they like, the title will still be coming back to London Bridge. You’re all just sore losers.

To combat the boredom brought on from the injustice of defeat I’ve found sanctuary in European football. The draw for Euro 2012 has been drawn and England have been drawn not so much a Group of Death as a Group of Meh. We’re pretty much guaranteed to automatically qualify as World Champions by the time the group stages come around anyway but I’ve been trying to identify the biggest threat in the group and it’s impossible. Let’s take a look at the teams in our bye...sorry, group.

I’m surprised they even qualified for the qualifiers. The only way they have any chance of doing well is by getting into a big scrum around the ball, squashing it until it turns egg shaped and throwing it into the goal. Saying that they’d still probably put it over the cross bar. Have you ever actually sat down and watched a game of rugby? I saw some in a pub once (thought it was football at first, annoying), I don’t think I saw a single goal in the game, every attempt was hoofed over the bar. Of course there’s a big rivalry between Wales and England, to the point that when they’re all watching the weather report around the one TV in the village they cheer if it’s raining in England, but it won’t be enough to see Wales through. They’re the weakest link here, goodbye!

Formerly Transylvania, they’re at a distinct disadvantage as their players will melt if games are played in the day time! The biggest threat Bulgaria pose comes in the shape of Dimitar Berbatov. My major worry is that he’s so lazy he’ll just stand around chatting to Rio Ferdinand about what expensive cars they can crash next, distracting the berk so that England’s True Captain John Terry has to deal with a numerical disadvantage.

Make a decision.

Montenegwho? I reckon this is one of those teams that used to be Russia. They can be quite tricky in away games but only because the pitch looks like it was or still is a mine field. Hopefully they won’t still be a country by the time the games come around so we won’t have to bother playing them. I do actually find watching football quite dull at times and this is the sort of game where most proper football fans just read the match report the next day and pretend they watched it.

So there we have it, qualification guaranteed. Of course the powers that be will try everything to stop England winning like they always do, but this time around we’re going to do it despite them. England, England!

Follow Jim’s wisdom at www.twitter.com/JimLovetoyTFR