NoBlog Numer 15: Merry Christmas from Jim Lovetoy!
24th December 2009
Media personality Jim Lovetoy writes exclusively for The Football Ramble. “This is no blog, it’s a column. It’s credible. Proper journalism that has an influence...”
The wonderful consumer festival that is Christmas is upon us and it’s a time to indulge ourselves and put our feet up. Though it might look like being me is amazing from the outside it can actually be a lot of hard work. Don’t get me wrong, I’d always rather be me than, say, you, but staying on top of current trends in the world of football, music, film and media can put you under a lot of stress and pressure. I call this stressure. I love Christmas because stressure is relieved with relaxation, food, and most of all presents. This year I’ll be off to The Cottage with Mum and Dad. It’s actually called The Cottage. A house having a name rather than a number is a real sign of class. I can’t wait to see what I get! I can pretty much buy anything I want anyway but here’s my Christmas wish list:
Gael Clichy
For Chelsea, obviously, not for me, I’ve got more than enough mates and wouldn’t want a French one. We don’t need another left back but I’d do this purely to annoy the red half of South London.
Steel Corner Flags
These would be secretly introduced as a surprise for Tim Cahill.
A New Contract for Rafa Benitez
If any other half decent manager gets given the money he’s been allowed to spend they might actually win something and we can’t have that!
Plastic Surgery Vouchers
I’d give them to Steve Bruce for his face. Seriously, what’s wrong with it? It looks like a permanently defensive puffer fish.
Cloning Technology for Chelsea
In case the transfer ban is enforced and for January during the African Olympic Champions League thing they do. We’ll badly miss a defensive midfielder so I’d just make another Claude McAlaleigh.
A Terrible Christmas Jumper
For irony. I love irony.
Razorlight Live in My Flat
I love that band and the boys would love it, we’ve worn out their records now!
A New Record Player
I actually have a record player. As I said, Razorlight have broken it so I need a new one. It’s a pain in the arse and it’s nowhere near as good as my iPod or the stereo system I use when I’m on my own but nothing says cool like retro.
A New TV Show
Something with music and chat, everyone would love it. I’d bring football into the chat as often as possible too, whether the people calling the shots liked it or not. Creatives know better. Sadly I think this is unlikely as the last show I had like this was so zeitgeist defining that the TV guys probably wouldn’t risk tainting its legacy. The same has happened to Chris Evans. I don’t care about that though so I’ll happily do it on the internet if there are any takers!
Peace in Dubai
It makes me so angry that footballers are falling out of nightclubs at Christmas parties and Jordan and Peter Andre are always splitting up while our brave lads are out there fighting for our freedom. It’s like something from the novels of George Orwellian.
A Sausage Dog
I always get bored of animals really quickly and get rid of them. Sheva the Pug is a good example, he just stopped doing anything so I released him back into the wild. He was found and apparently he’s dead now. Boring. Despite this I’m tipping sausage dogs to be big in 2010 and I plan to get in early.
I’m sure I’ll get all this eventually. You always get what you want if you know how to adjust your mindset accordingly. Here’s hoping Father Santa brings you everything you want! Merry Christmas! Chelsea, Chelsea!
Jim Lovetoy
Merry Christmas from all at The Football Ramble.
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scotj94
:::2009-12-27 06:04:15
DISGRACEFUL!!! YOU WANT CLONING TECHNOLOGY?, GEAL CLICHY?
AND A NEW TV SHOW? WHILE TINY TIM HAS TO MAKE DO WITH WHAT ROY KEANE LIKES TO CALL "BOLLOCKS ALL". WELL YOU CAN GO AN GET RUN OVER BY GEAL CLICHY DRIVING A CHELSEA THEMED AMBULANCE WHILE LISTENING TO RAZORLIGHT WITH TIM CAHILL IN THE BACK WITH A BROKEN HAND FROM PUNCHING A STEEL CORNER FLAG BECAUSE OF A GOAL HE SCORED THANKS TO A CLAUDE MAKELELE DEFENSIVE ERROR HE MADE DUE TO BEING DISTRACTED BY A SAUSAGE DOG IN THE CROWD. OH YEAH AN THIS WAS ALL PUT TOGETHER THANKS TO CLUES GIVEN IN ON CRIMEWATCH, WELL AT LEAST YOU´LL GET EVERYTHING YOU WANTED EVEN THE NEW SHOW FOR YOU, CRIMEWATCH.
Sampson
:::2010-01-07 17:55:20
Irony is often lost on those short of wit.
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