The clocks have gone back, the winter nights are drawing in and there’s a distinct feeling that some fireworks are about to go off. One of my favourite events of the year is about to begin: The managerial sack race.

Only last week I wrote about Liverpool being too rubbish to win the league and now there’s talk of Rafa Benitez losing his job. This probably isn’t coincidence but even so it’s plain to see, he’s been there for years without winning anything and that isn’t good enough. Surely it’s any day now, and not just for Benitez. Phil Brown is surely deserving of a P45 too. Hull are so rubbish. Hull is rubbish, so rubbish I haven’t even been there. Why would I bother? Then there’s Mike Ashley, have Newcastle ever had such a terrible manager? He’s even changed the name of the stadium to sound like they’re going to play all their games on the internet! The problem at Newcastle is clearly that the manager has too much control. Letsalllaughat@stjamespark.

The sack race is a highlight of every season but has been unusually slow this year. I have a solution. People are always saying how clubs should give something back to the fans and I think they should be empowered. With a vote.

I started off watching X-Factor in an ironic way, because all my mates with girlfriends kept saying they couldn’t come out because they were watching it, but I’ve grown to like it. I respect Simon Cowell. I see a lot of myself in him. If someone isn’t living up to the standards I’ve assumed for them I’ll just be rude to them, it’s what these cretins need sometimes. Cowell is the same. It’s how you create a productive working environment. There’s no reason a football club can’t be the same.

So here’s what happens: fans of a club stump up an amount of money to secure their votes for the season. I’m not sure of an exact amount but it should definitely be loads. If you’re a true supporter you’ll prove it by finding the money, and if you’re truly a true supporter you’ll recognise that the club need your money more than you do. After every game the fans would vote on whether the manager should be sacked or not. Imagine the motivation! Managers would have to get their teams winning quickly, fans can be fickle and this is a bonus as it’d be really funny to see the small clubs flounder. So much of the drama of football would be lost if they stopped tearing themselves apart trying to compete with the real teams and this would ensure it continued. On the plus side, after a poor performance clubs would make a fortune from calls and texts demanding the sacking of the manager, which they could then use to compensate them if they were fussy about it.

People are always saying we need more experienced British managers. Roy Keane would be in a much better position if in the space of one season he’d managed Sunderland, Wigan, Hull City, Birmingham City, Portsmouth, Wolves and whoever else. Think of the experience he’d get in such a short amount of time! Will the FA listen to me? Probably not, and I’m way above the status of any regular fan, but this is the only way to bring the game back to the people. If a manager isn’t getting results the fans have their voice and as Cowell himself would say: “You’re fired.” Chelsea, Chelsea!